The Naked Emperor

30 October 2004

The Mosquito Epiphany

The Mosquito Epiphany

Last night the latest Osama bin Laden video, so close to the election, was on my mind. I went outside to have a cigarette, and was promptly bitten by a mosquito. Then It hit me. Maybe not a lightning bolt epephany, but a strong light bulb type.

Living in Louisiana, I�m quite familiar with mosquitos. We even have t-shirts naming them the state bird.

Mosquitos are very annoying little insects. They sting and cause pain. They can drive you crazy if you get caught in a swarm of them. If you throw in malaria, yellow fever, and west nile virus, mosquitos can even be fatal.

Terrorists are mosquitos. Osama bin Laden is a mosquito. Nothing more and nothing less.

Mosquitos cause inflict misery on larger creatures totally disproportioate to their size. You can see one ton bulls running from mosquitos. Same with terrorists. See Spain. See Spain run. Run Spain Run.

Unless disease is transmitted, a single mosquito bite shouldn�t be fatal. Just like a single terrorist attack shouldn�t be fatal. 9/11 was the worst attack in history. But it was hardly fatal. 3000 of our countrymen died. But remember, that many are killed in traffic accidents every month. And medical mistakes account for that many every ten days. Do we panic and throw out our leaders?

And what about the obsession with OBL? When I am bitten by a mosquito, I don�t obsess on killing that one mosquito. Sure, I want him dead. But my main goal is to not be bitten again. Most people grab a can of bug spray and declare war on all nearby mosquitos. Their own war on terror.

Me being a bloodthirsty redneck, I go one better. The bug zapper out back goes on. Little is as satisfying as that sizzle and pop.

If I obsessed over the mosquito that bit me, I wouldn�t have time to turn on the zapper. The goal is safety, not vengence.

So to handle mosquitos, you can run away. You can try to kill the one that bit you , ingoring all others that are about to bite you, or apply repellat to yourself so that you are less attractive. This is the �bite someone else� tactic. You can use the spray or a zapper to eliminate all mosquitos in a small area. Or if you�re really serions, you can get rid of all standing water in a large area, thus eliminating mosquito breeding areas and drastically decreasing the population of mosquitos. The same tactics and strategies apply to terrorists.

Some countries use the run away approach. Again, see Spain.

Focusing on the one that got you is the Kerry approach. Just OBL, other terrorists are not our problem.

Others use the repellant approach. But we�re French! We haven�t met an arab ass we haven�t kissed yet!

The Israeli�s use the zapper approach. They live deep in the terrorist swamp, and it�s the most effective approach for them. If they can ID the target as a terrorist, they zap him. No muss, no fuss.

George Bush has chosen the �Drain the swamp� approach, thus protecting not only this country or a small area, but a large number of countries. When you start draining a swamp, it�s hand going. All the mosquitos in the swamp will try to bite you. You must tactically kill them while strategically eliminating their breeding ground.

Remember tactics is going up to the farmer every morning when he�s done milking, and kicking over the bucket of milk. A strategy is when you shoot the cow.

President Bush has chosen the only long term strategy that will work. And that strategy will BE work. Just remember that Mr. Kerry�s criticisms and �I have a plan� are tactics, not a coherent strategy.

But if we drain the terrorist swamp, and light the torch of freedom and porsperity, very few terrorists can grow in that environment.

Next week, I�ll compare the upcoming many electoral challenges to boiled crayfish. or maybe gumbo.

The Naked Emperor

OBL Tape Analysis/ DNC ad

First, let me aplolgize. I'm going to be commenting on OBL's latest tape WITHIN the body of the transcript, so as not to disturb the flow of the author's original words, or breakup paragraphs. But, as I've said before, I'm a computer idiot. I still don't know how to change fonts here or boldface. So I'll just do all caps. I certainly don't mean to shout at my readers, but it is the only way I know right now to visually differentiate OBL's words from my own.

FRI OCT 29 2004 17:45:46 ET

Newsreader: A new message from Bin Laden to the American people about the reasons and resulats of the 9/11 attacks.

Newsreader 2: The head of AL Qaeda says the continuation of us policy will lead to the repetition of what happened.

Male presenter: The head of AL Qaeda organization directed a message to the American people and this video and audio apearence in this tape which Jezeera required for the first time for two years. In the beginning of his message, he spoke about the reasons why they chose the US to execute 9/11..

OBL: You American people, my speech to you is the best way to avoid another conflict about the war and its reasons and results. I am telling you security is an important pillar of human life. And free people don't let go of their security contrary to Bush's claims that we hate freedom. SO WHY ARE YOUR FRIENDS TARGETING POLICE RECRUITS IN IRAQ? He should tell us why we didn't hit Sweden for instance. MAYBE BECAUSE SWEDEN HASN'T STOOD UP AGAINST AN EVL IN THE LAST CENTURY? THEY EVEN LET NAZI TROOPS AND SUPPLIES ROLL MERRILY THROUGH THEIR COUNTRY ON THE WAY TO NORWAY. AND THEY'RE BECOMING A RATHER ANTI-SEMITIC COUNTRY. Its known that those who hate freedom don't have dignified the 19 who were blessed. SO I GUESS THE TALIBAN AND AL ZARQAWI'S BUDDIES AREN'T "DIGNIFIED SOULS".But we fought you because we are free people, we don't sleep on our oppression. We want to regain the freedom of our Muslim nation WHY AREN'T YOU FREE? COULD IT POSSIBLY BE YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS? as you spill our security, we spill your security.

Female presenter: Bin Laden spoke for the first time about the main reasons he thought of executing Sept 11 attacks, confirming that the Israeli operation in Lebanon was the first incident where he thought of it.

OBL: I am so surprised by you. Although we are in the fourth year after the events of sept 11, Bush is still practicing distortion and misleading on you, and obscuring the main reasons and therefore the reasons are still existing to repeat what happened before. I will tell you the reasons behind theses incidents.

I will be honest with you on the moment when the decision was taken to understand. We never thought of hitting the towers. But after we were so fed up, and we saw the oppression of the American Israeli coalition on our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it came to my mind and the incidents that really touched me directly goes back to 1982 and the following incidents. When the US permitted the Israelis to invade Lebanon with the assistance of the 6th fleet. In these hard moments, it occurred to me so many meanings I cant explain but it resulted in a general feeling of rejecting oppression and gave me a hard determination to punish the oppressors. APARRENTLY HEZBOLLAH ROCKET RAINING ACROSS THE BORDER INTO ISRAEL ARE NOT OPRESSIVE, BUT TAKING THEM OUT IS. While I was looking at the destroyed towers in Lebanon, it came to my mind to punish the oppressor the same way and destroy towers in the US to get a taste of what they tasted, and quit killing our children and women.

Male presenter: Bin Laden considered in his message that the results of Sept 11 were successful in his opinion and as a reason of that, he said that the similarity between the administration of Bush the father and the arab regimes said Bush learned so much from them during his visits.

OBL: We didn't find difficulty dealing with Bush and his administration due to the similarity of his regime and the regims in our countries. Whish half of them are ruled by military and the other half by sons of kings and presidents and our experience with them is long. Both parties are arrogant and stubborn and the greediness and taking money without right and that similarity appeared during the visits of Bush to the region while people from our side were impressed by the US HE LIKED BUSH 41 AT FIRST. and hoped that these visits would influence our countries. Here he is being influenced by these regimes, Royal and military. SO OBL'S FAMILY WAS A BAAAD INFLUENCE ON 41. And was feeling jealous they were staying for decades in power stealing the nations finances without anybody overseeing them. NOW 41 WANTED TO STAY IN POWER FOREVER? DIDN'T HE LOSE AN ELECTION AND GO QUITE PEACEFULLY? So he transferred the oppression of freedom and tyranny to his son and they call it th e Patriot Law to fight terrorism. SORRY, OBL, BUT THE PATRIOT ACT WAS PASSED IN RESPONSE TO 9/11. He was bright in putting his sons as governors in states and he didn't forget to transfer his experience from the rulers of our region to Florida to falsify elections to benefit from it in critical times. OH MY GOD, HE LISTENS TO AL GORE AND AL SHARPTON. NO WONDER HIS VIEW OF AMERICA IS WHACKED. CALL IT PLOT POINT 2.

Female Presenter: Bin Laden considered the way Bush dealt with the first moments of Sept. 11, giving a good chance to the executors of Sept. 11 to complete it.

OBL: We agreed with Mohamed Atta, god bless him, to execute the whole operation in 20 minutes. HE WANTED OPERATIONAL SURPRISE AND TO FINISH THE OP BEFORE ANYONE COULD REACT. Before Bush and his administration would pay attention and we never thought that the high commander of the US armies would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves IF HE THOUGHT 50K PEOPLE WOULD BE IN THE TWIN TOWERS AT THAT HOUR OF THE MORNING HIS INTEL WAS A BIT OFF. when they most needed him because it seemed to distract his attention from listening to the girl telling him about her goat HE DOES WATCH MICHAEL MOORE! PLOT POINT 3. butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god. EVEN ACCORDING TO MOORE, IT WAS 7 MINUTES. 20 X 3 = 60. 7 DOES NOT = 60 UNLESS YOUR MAIN SCHOOLING WAS IN A MADRAS, OF YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.

Male presenter: the final part of the message is that the security of the Americans depends on the policy that they execute despite the winner of the elections.

OBL: Your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or Al Qaeda. Your security is in your hands. Each state that doenst mess with our security has automatically secured their security. THE GRAND FINALE. SURRENDER OR DIE.

Female Presenter: In Bin Laden's message he approached other points. He pointed to the contradiction which considers oppression and killing of innocents a legal act. They formed an international law as bush the father did with the children of iraq according to bin laden. 41 WENT TO WAR WITH THE FULL BLESSING AND COOPERATION OF THE UN. EVEN SYRIA COMMITTED A DIVISION. THE COALITION WAS BIG ENOUGH THAT KERRY NOW LAUDS IT, EVEN THOUGH HE VOTED AGAINST USE OF FORCE. AND WE WENT TO WAR TO LIBERATE QUWAIT, A MUSLIM ARAB NATION, FROM THE CONQUEST BY IRAQ. Bin Laden pointed to the millions of pounds of explosives dropped on Iraqi children as bush his son had done, as he said to remove an old agent and install a new agent to help instealing the oil of iraq. A FULL HOUSE! WAR FOR OIL!. PLOT POINT 4. And bin laden said the events of 9/11 came as an answer to this oppression and said that if the answer to this oppression is considered bad terror, then we need to do it. THIS SEEMS TO HOSE THE "NO LINK BETWEEN IRAQ AND AL QAEDA" THOUGHT. And he stressed that he wants to deliver this message to the Americans in words and in deeds since the 9/11 events. He reminded Americans of a few warning messages through various news media like Time Magazine and CNN and other Arab and correspondents since 1996. USS COLE KHOBAR, JAKARTA, MADRID. He warned them of the conswquences of their countries policies. AGAIN, YOU SURRENDER OR DIE. He talked abou t the damage Sept 11 caused the US economy and that it cost close to a trillion dollars. He talked about President Bush and that the emergency law requires more money.


OK, I'm back to normal. Kind of hoarse from all that "shouting".

This tape was released just a few days prior to our election. Why? To change the outcome of the Presidential election, of course. OBL normally releases tapes as a call to action by some cell or another, but I don't think so this time. Again, why? Notice the lack of the usual inflammation and invective. This seems to be a persuasion speech. He lays out the case for 9/11, with arguments and leads to conclusive statement. "Change your policy and we won't hurt you again". Whether he changed his style willingly, or if the lack of substantive operational capability within the US changed it for him, historians will have to decide. My money is on the latter.

OBL knows that Bush will NOT change our policy. So notice the plot points: 1) Bush misled us 2) Bush stole Florida 3) Bush reading "My Pet Goat" the morning of 9/11 4) War for oil. Don't these sound Al Franken/Bill Maher/Terry Macauliffe, etc.? Couldn't OBL's arguments have come from just about any DNC talking points memo? All we'd need is "I'm john Kerry and I approved this message." The only difference is that OBL takes these arguments to their logical conclusions. 1) 9/11 was all because of Bush and his policies 2) Bush won't change his policies 3) If you elect Kerry and surrender, you might live.

No one in the media or blogoshpere has mentioned these plot points to my knowledge. They seem the most blatant endorsement for Kerry.

Personally, I DO NOT take election advice from mass murdering terrorists. I'm just a pickup driving, gun owning redneck with a doctorate. I don't threaten or intimidate worth a damn. You can hurt me. Maybe even kill me. But you can never defeat me. I will live, and die if necessary, free and standing tall, not laying on my back and piddling on myself like a whipped dog.


The Naked Emperor

28 October 2004

60 Minutes transcript

Tick Tick Tick Tick

Good evening, I’m Ed Bradley and welcome to the last “60 Minutes before voters can overturn the evils of the last four years.

I’ll be hosting our first segment, where psychologists reveal that constant exposure to ticking sounds will replace a persons competence with arrogance.

In the second segment, Morley Safer will discuss the current educational crisis sweeping the nation.  Apparently millions of students are protesting their poor grades, saying their test answers may be untrue, but are technically accurate and reveal “higher truths”.

Soon to be President Elect Kerry was asked about this, “I have a plan!  We will eliminate all testing and attendance requirements and give all students A’s as long as they register at least two gangbangers to vote Democrat”.

And in our final segment, Dan Rather has found documents revealing Illigitimate President Bush’s secret plans after he supresses the black vote and steals the election.  According to the documents, verified by our janitor, all citizens under forty will be drafted into born again churches, and armed with “assault style” weapons.  Talk radio hosts will then brainwash them into shooting all retirees, allowing Karl Rove to steal all Social Security benefits.  Halliburton has been give a no bid contract to dig the mass graves.

Also, Mary Cheney will be placed in charge of Queer concentration camps located in New Orleans, Atlanta, New York and San Francisco.  In these camps, men will be forced to wear flannel and women will be forced to wear make up while they are being “re-educated” No show tunes will be allowed.

Other documents show that the richest two percent will be give bounties for running over crippled poor people with their SUV’s, and tax breaks will be give to the car maker who produces the most polluting car, which will of course be produced overseas.  A constitional amendment will require KFC and Popeye’s to serve beld eagle and spotted owl. 

And finally, Andy Rooney will blather on about......something or other, I couldn’t care less.

Be sure to watch this Viacom station later, running all “Farenhight 9/11”, all the time.

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

27 October 2004


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