The Naked Emperor

29 January 2008


Things are being realized.

The new prectice website is up, and in the process of being modified to suit a housecall practice, and my philsophy specifically.

We've also picked a new logo. It's a pre-made minimalist line drawing of a dog and cat, one that reminds me of the old 7 line caricature of Alfred Hitchcock. Now that the site is up and confirmed, I can call in the address tomorrow, so we can hopefully get the new card and magnet design to the printers before close of business.

My dreams and plans are being realized.

I've also realized something else.

As the primary season continues, it suddenly dawned on me: Holy Crap, one of these bozos will be the next leader of my nation. It's too late for any other choices to appear.

I've also realized that I've been ruined by decades of Mac driving. Life, and politics, have no "undo" button. Oh poop.

But with the practice restructuring going on, and one other big obligation, I've also realized that I've got too much on my plate to let the news and politics bother me.

And what is this other big thing?

I'm a riding officer in the oldest continuously parading night krewe in Mardi Gras.

That means a big, elegant dinner in New Orleans tomorrow night, and the ball rehersal and then the ball taking up all day Thursday. We have lunch down there Friday, on a balcony on Bourbon Street, then a walking parade through the Quarter, then the actual parade downtown.

Quite frankly, I realized the latest HilAck McHuckNey crap just can't compare.

Laissez les bon temps roullet!

Les Naked Emperor

27 January 2008

Keep the Change

An old saw is that women marry men expecting them to change, and we never do, while men marry women expecting them to never change, which they ALWAYS do.

The redneck version of this is a story about a middle aged couple riding in the truck on a Saturday night. They're behind another truck with a young couple in it. The middle aged wife looks longingly at the young couple snuggled up and asks "why don't we do that anymore?". The husband looks over from the driver's seat and replies "I'm still right here".

As you know, I love music. I'm basically an old style rock and roll fan. And that's why I listen to more country than anything else modern. Modern country is a lot like old rock and roll, but with a twang and a sense of humor.

I haven't abandoned rock and roll. It abandoned me.

And I feel the same way about politics. I came of age during the Carter fiasco. Even though I was much more liberal then, as most young people are, I was a libertarian who was strong on defense. My first presidential vote was to fire Carter and hire Reagan.

So a fiscal conservative, pro defense type, but social libertarian was and has been considered overall a conservative.

And for the most part, those views have best been upheld by the Republicans. Until the last few years.

I haven't abandoned my mostly conservative views. But my party has.

Look, I quit being a Republican in a fit of pique during the aftermath of Katrina. When the President congratulated, publicly, "Brownie" for doing such a great job, I just quit.

Those of us on the ground knew so much better.

And looking at the Republican Congress spending like drunken sailors, just as bad as the Democrats, really pissed off this fiscal conservative.

Later, they tried to ram through their amnesty for illegals. What happened to the law and order conservatives? What happened to defending the borders of our once soverign nation? This isn't rocket science. Federally elected official swears to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution. What happened to that early bit, that minor point about oh, providing for the common freakin' defense?

I was excited by the candidacy of Fred Thompson. He seemed to be a true conservative who believed in the principles and more than any other recent candidate, actually lived up to them. Apparently I was more excited by this prospect than he was.

So what to do?

I'm a libertarian/conservative. If not the Republicans, where can I go?

The Democrats? Their principles alone just seem wrong to me. Sorry, I can't become a socialist. Throw in their love of identity politics, where something you can't control counts for more than your thoughts and ideas, and I'm thoroughly turned off.

The Libertarians? In my lifetime, the only candidates they've put up would make a Ron Paul/ Dennis Kucinich ticket seem positively lucid.

OK, I'm reluctantly stuck with the Republicans. But it's with the deep understanding that I trust you to uphold my conservative principles just as much as I'd trust the Democrats. I.E. Not at all. Trust is a fragile commodity. And you've broken mine. If you ever want it, it will take time, and your deeds will speak much louder than any words. Here, as in life, action is the most eloquent.

But which candidate?

McCain? I'm impressed with his service record, but let's face it, that was 35 years ago. His recent record is much more troubling. Damn good on the Southwest Asia theater, best in the bunch. But he's also the worst in the bunch on defending the North American front from the reconquista. Throw in the "Gang of 14" and McCain Feingold, and he scares me.

Giuliani? He proved to be a great leader during 9/11. When I was in New York about 16 months ago, I couldn't believe it was the same city as when I saw it 20 years previous. Everybody there said the same. Giuliani. Great so far. But in this election, he seems to be taking a donor funded extended Florida vacation. He appears only slightly more serious than Thompson. I'll hold my breath. But not for long.

Huckabee? I love the fact that he supports the FairTax. But the rest of him seems kind of slimy. Look, we once tried a populist governor of Arkansas as president, and I didn't think it worked out all too well. I'm not to sure I want to watch that particular re-run.

Romney? He's pro-business, seems to have done OK in Massachusetts. Did well with the olympics. But I'm a southerner. Between Reconstruction and the carpetbaggers who've been coming since Katrina, I'm wary of any New Englander who's going to "fix" things for me. So far he's the most likely, but I'll be watching him closely. Any Yankee arrogance, and I'll start playing "Wearing of the Grey" on my iTunes.

It's just so hard.

I just want a good solid conservative, like many of us. Yet it seems that conservative means something totally different now.

I haven't and won't abandon my conservative beliefs. But it sure appears that conservatism has abandoned us.

This is change that's not good for me or America. If and when the Republicans decide to return to conservatism, "I'm still right here".

until later,

the naked emperor

26 January 2008

Kinky Fantasy

When one is young, one often thinks about sex. OK, us guys think about it constantly.

But as one ages, thoughts often turn to more productive items.

And when one does think about sex, sometimes it gets unpleasant. Don't scream yet, I really am going someplace with this.

Sadly, those unpleasant sexual thoughts color our fantasies. And lately I've had a new, rather kinky fantasy.

I don't know what brought this on.

Perhaps it's just the time of year. Perhaps it's the loss last week of the only candidate I actually wanted to vote for. Perhaps it's that when it comes to sex between my checkbook and my government, I feel "overserved".

OK, here goes. Here's my kinky fantasy.

I want to be an "undocumented taxpayer".

No more forcible monetary sex.

Since MLK day was last week, his words echo in my ears.

I too have a dream.

I dream of a day when my employer is not forced to pay the US government 7.65% or so that never appears on my checks.

I dream of a day when my government can't just automatically take money that I've earned and they haven't.

I dream that refusing to submit to such fiscal rape will not land my employer or myself in jail.

I dream of a day when the IRS must prove you guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in front of a jury of your peers, instead of a presumption of guilt where you must prove your innocence infront of one of THEIR judges.

I have a dream.

These days with "redefining" of terms, I do not choose to be a tax evader. But I wish I, as a productive member of society, would be decriminalized.

"Illegal immigrants" are now "undocumented workers". Why can't I just be an "undocumented taxpayer"?

If only I had the guts.

Look, I know this is just a fantasy that will never come true. The politicos rely too much on us bowing to their wishes (and force) so they can redistribute wealth and stay in power.

But I still can dream.

15 January 2008

Disturbing and Disappointed Readers

As I said a few days ago, I may be changing the name of my practice. I'm working with some business and marketing consultants, and they want me to consider it, and are working up alternatives.

I've also given a brief moment of thought to changing the name of my blog. "The Naked Emperor" is attracting some disturbing hits, and I presume very disappointed people.

But a little background first.

I thought "The Naked Emperor" was a good title since I freely admit my weaknesses and failings. I don't put on airs and claim to be something I'm not.

I also take great delight in using simple logic, reason, and occasionally math to reveal nudity in the pompous thoughts of the self important.

But I'm disappointing people, and they are deeply disturbing me.


If you notice the GoStats link on the right, I occasionally check the stats here and see who's been by.

Readers get here one of three ways: By link at another site, through the ether (AKA I have no clue), and by Google search.

It is the Googles that have me worried about my name.

I've gotten hits when people Googled "Naked Emperor" or variants. Fine, I wanted those.

Google has also brought people who have searched for ar-15 stuff or "kitty farts" or "the Guns of August". Fair enough, I've written about those.

And I've also had someone googling for "shootng (sic) naked ladies game" I like online games, it might be fun.

But I've also had someone from India looking for "naked ladies" Here is where I think the name begins to be trouble. I wasn't too worried, I happen to like naked ladies myself.

Alas the trouble was noticed when someone, also from India, arrived after searching for "naked 15 models". Given my name, and the weapon posts, it's understandable. But if that person's "15" was an age, I'm sure they were disappointed. And I'm quite happy to disappoint such people.

But these were merely sublime. The turn for the weird was just ahead.

Frankly, the Queen's subjects take the cake.

Someone in the UK found me by searching for "naked 60 year old ladies". That's a visual I just didn't need.

And of her subjects, it's the Canadians who worry me most. I've had them arrive looking for "naked boys and girls", and "my dad wants me to be naked around the house".

I'm fairly certain, and quite happy, that these people left my site with both hands on the keyboard.

And no, I'm not making this up. And this is all within the last few days.

I can't remember (and am too tired to google) who said that the world is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine. My Canadian readers prove that.

I never cease to be amazed by the world's weirdness.

I, along with Thenakedempress, the pseudo-daughter, and a few others occasionally threaten to come up with the strangest sexually oriented site we can think up, just to see if we'd get any hits. So far, our leading candidate is "Wombats in Leather". My recent readers make me think it would be a huge success.

If you, dear readers, can top that, I welcome your suggestions.

And no, I won't be changing this name.

If somebody wants to make this name into a sexual thing, it's their problem, not mine. And I invite those people to perform an impossible solo sexual act.

Until later,


13 January 2008

American Perestroika

Sometimes, it is wise to not combine genres in entertainment and education.

Of course, I have been paying attention to the Presidential primaries, through blogs, internet, and MSM.

And my recent reading has combined geopolitical with classic sci-fi.

This is a bad and revealing combination.

Gorbachev's "Perestroika" is mildly interesting. Mainly it is a bunch of self serving statist twaddle. Lots of sound bite phrases that are semantically meaningless strung together.

What I find most curious is the meaning of "Perestroika". That's Russian for "Change".

Entering stage...oh, left, are the Democratic candidates. "We need Change!"

In my teeny mind, a chord was struck.

Gorbachev - Free health care, full employment (regardless of ability), and Perestroika.

Democrat Candidates - Universal health care, evil capitalist corporations, and Change.

Anybody else see the parallel?

Suddenly it's 1984, the Russian version.

Orwell would be so proud. According to the democrats, censorship is "Fairness", victory is defeat, and "new" ideas are merely a rehash of the death throes of an evil dictatorship.

It's worked out ever so well for the Russians, as long as they tow Putin's line.

Do we really want that for our future?

Which bring me to the mildly weird part.

Last week I was looking for some light "recreational" reading before heading into the "Room of Contemplation and Bad Odors".

Unfortunately, I picked up an old favorite, Niven and Pournelle's "Mote in God's Eye". Big mistake. I not only had to finish it, but also the sequel, "The Gripping Hand".

In those two books, the aliens have a recurring sort of character in their history. They call him "Crazy Eddie" Their description of Crazy Eddie is "Always he does the wrong thing for excellent reasons".

At best, the Democrat candidates are Crazy Eddie.

Lets look at their stance on, oh, oil companies.

Gas is $3/gallon. Last year, Exxon/Mobil made about $10 billion in profits.

Senator Clinton publicly expressed her desire to take all of those profits.

First, the price of gas is NOT a crisis. It's $3/gallon. Gasoline comes from crude oil, a toxic substance that takes extraordinary effort to find and pump from thousands of feet below the ground. Once obtained the oil must be refined into gasoline, also toxic and, by the way, very explosive. Then this dangerous substance must be transported without blowing up. Then you get to buy it. And it's $3/gallon.

Let's compare it to milk. If you want, you could buy a cow and get your own milk. Can't do the same with gas. A cow must have given birth, be fed a nutritious diet of grasses and grains, and be milked twice a day. And I've never seen milk explode. Not nearly as tough as gasoline, and milk is $4.50/gallon.

Or water. Water falls from the sky for free. I personally get mine from a well. But many, including trendy liberals, buy those cute little pints of water for $1 or more. Let's see. Two pints per quart. Four quarts per gallon. That comes up to $8/gallon. And most of that water comes from some city or other's municipal supply. In other words, tap water is $8/gallon.

Sorry, but gas seems like a bargain to me.

Yes, oil companies make a profit, ideally. The people who invest in them, i.e. put up the money, are taking a risk with their capital. Why would someone take a risk if there is no reward?

Sen. Clinton wants to take those profits from the greedy oil companies. She wants the money to go to government, "for the children" no doubt. Crazy Eddie.

Let's say oil companies make a 10% profit, although I think it's less. That would be 30 cents per gallon of gas. But the last I recall is that taxes, i.e. the government's profit is 48.3 cents per gallon. So the government is taking 50% more profit than the greedy oil companies.

So if we have a crisis in the cost of gasoline, the government could instantly save is about 50 cents per gallon just by not taxing us. Could be done in a week.

Sen. Clinton is apparently not happy with just getting 48 cents/gallon, she wants it all. Pardon me, but who's greedy here?

OK, let's give in to Sen Clinton, just for arguments sake.

The oil companies get no profit. That means no reward on investment. The investors will move their money elsewhere, including overseas.

The companies also have no money to explore for new oil, or to upgrade refineries to meet new EPA regs. Eventually those greedy companies are driven out of business.

We have lots of people unemployed. Crazy Eddie. And scarce gas supplies, so the price goes up. Crazy Eddie. Average plain folk can't afford gas anymore. Crazy Eddie. Only elitists traveling in private jets can afford to travel, like Al Gore. Crazy Eddie.

And that's just one small segment of our economy, not 1/7 like healthcare.

And that's just assuming they want to do this for excellent reasons.

Of course, this could all be election year hyperbole. Or they could be megalomaniacal gits. I'll let you decide.

Sorry this has been so roundabout. Some say that if you drink, you should not mix too many different types of alcohol. I guess I have proven the same is true with what you read.

until later,

The Naked Emperor

12 January 2008

Guess When?

Imagine a time when the ability to publish your thoughts about life, government, or anything is so easy that many people are doing it. Not professionals. Just anybody that thinks they have something to say. A recent technological revolution has made all this possible.

Needless to say, those in power at this time are deeply troubled. They scorn this free flow of ideas. They try to clamp down on this new found liberty.

But those amateurs just keep writing. Most of their work is drivel. But amidst those lesser works will be some masterpieces. And those masterpieces just might change everything.

Can you guess the time I'm spewing THIS drivel about?

If you guessed the internet and blogging, you're....


Try the British Colonies in the late 1700's.

Printing was so available that just about anybody could produce a pamphlet on whatever they thought was important. Most of these are lost to time. But some of the ideas expressed were so innovative and revolutionary that they not only survived but thrived.

Thomas Paine. John Adams. The Federalist Papers.

These were the bloggers of their day. One could argue that America was founded on the ideas of the bloggers.

But one must pay attention to what has survived. Not "Adams is a butthole". Not "the King is a git". The negatives faded with time. But those that presented positive ideas and solutions for the future remained. (Remember that when you want to comment that Thenakedemperor is a jerk)

Also notice that we do not remember those that talked about how the king would take care of you. Nor do we recall any giving greater autonomy to the state.

We remember those works that expanded the liberty of the individual. Those that talked about the rights and responsibilities of the individual.

This is a very minor blog.

Even so, it stands on the shoulders of great men. While I sometimes use my keyboard for light topics and may not take myself too seriously, I take the medium VERY seriously.

Give me blogging or give me death.

The Naked Emperor

11 January 2008

First Semi Occasional Contest

As anyone who knows me will tell you, I love music. I used to play it, and have been approached to take up the guitar again. I often toy with the idea, promising I'll be serious about it again.

But I only like good music. From classical to '60's (including 1860's) to current.

Yet, sadly, I occasionally have a very bad song stuck in my head. Thenakedempress reports this same phenomenon.

So tonight, just for fun, we'll start a Worst Song Contest.

The rules are simple.

1) It must have been popular. No songs by your cousin's uncle's neighbor.

2) It must be truly bad, nonsensical and/or really annoying.

3) Just overplayed songs don't count. (Sorry Frampton and Zeppelin)

4) It must get stuck in your head all too annoyingly often.

My current nominees:

"MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris (Someone left my cake out in the rain? WTF?)

And my honorable mention goes to Elvis for "In the Ghetto" Maybe it's all the years at the ER, but this song arrives in my head with annoying regularity.

Thenakedempress' Nominees:

"Having my Baby" by Paul Anka

"Only Women Bleed" by Alice Cooper is her honorable mention (or DIShonorable mention).

Unfortunately, when Thenakedempress gets one of these stuck in her head, she insists on "sharing". She's got a great voice, but sometimes her choice of material just sucks.

We encourage all of my loyal, ones of readers to submit their unfavorite songs.

No, there is no prize. But maybe at least we'll have something different pissing us off.

until later,

The Naked Emperor

10 January 2008

My Two Cents on Change

Well, I'm back.

Just because I've been MIA on the web, doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention.

So here we are, the Iowa Caucus (Silly MSM, Caucuses are in former USSR) and New Hampshire primary down, with SC and MI coming up. Tonight we had yet another debate, the Republicans in SC.

At least on the Democrat side, the theme is "Change".

I have some recent experience in that, thus the temporary MIA status. The end result of mine is that I'll only be doing emergency on the weekends, being free to build my housecall practice during the week, every week. We're working with business consultants, may be changing the name, and should have a nice web presence within two weeks. Lots of changes.

That seems to be all the Democrat candidates can talk about.

"We need Change"

"I know how to make Change"

"I've got 35 years experience in making Change"

Aren't we supposed to be electing a national leader, defender of liberty around the world? These bozos sound like they're interviewing to be cashiers at a convenience store.

And maybe we need them there, most clerks can't make change without a calculator.

And if we want experience at "Change", vote for Hillary, she's got experience with "The Change". (If you don't understand that reference, you're male, and either young or unmarried).

All three candidates are tapping into some dissatisfaction in the democrat base. So they want "Change".

But one must be careful with what one asks for. Going from the frying pan into the fire is "Change". So is going from living to dead is likewise "Change". Neither seems too desirable to me.

So far the Democrat situation is fairly simple. Obama is black and young. Hillary is female and a Clinton. Edwards has GREAT hair. Great Identity politics, not good Ideas politics.

The Republican side is a bit more muddled. First we had the inevitability of Romney with all his money, and Giuliani with national recognition and 9/11 experience. Then came Iowa with the Huckaboom, and New Hampshire with the McCain-gasm. Tonight the web is all atwitter about the debate performance of my man, Fred. Given the lack of a national leader, and a bounce from tonight's performance, he could upset and win South Carolina. Right now he's # 3 in delegates. So the field is wide open.

As a personal aside, I'm somewhat surprised at Thompson's poor performance so far. He's got well thought out positions, solidly conservative, a record that nearly matches, and minimal baggage. I thought that he's the sort of candidate we've all been complaining about finding, and here he is and we (collectively) ignore him. Are we conservatives just as caught up in celebrity and candidate of the week as liberals are?

I know we think of liberals as shallow, but perhaps we need to truly examine a mirror here.

Oh, if you Paypal me $1.00 for this .02, I'LL make change. I promise. Trust me.

until later,


07 January 2008

Need I Say More?

LSU #1