The Naked Emperor

09 March 2007

Kitty Farts

Well, it's been a busy week.

Two weeks ago we got a new shed. Well new for us. Our next door neighbors wife had her car roll into the edge of the door while it was open. This destroyed some of the framing on the front along with some of the sheathing.

Her husband was looking for an excuse for a bigger shed, and this was it. So he offered us the old one.

And thus my last week off was mostly spent in honey-doing the new shed. New framing, new sheathing, repainted barn red. All I have to do now is cut two pieces of trim and paint the trim.

I even built two sets of shelves. I wanted to take back the first shed I'd built as a workshop. But between all the Christmas lights, the tree, assorted decorations used once a year, and all the hurricane supplies we've gathered post-Katrina, I could barely get in the workshop, let alone get to tools.

So the new shed now has all of my part of Christmas, a dozen cases of MRE's, forty gallons of water, numerous tarps, ice chests, and a Coleman stove I picked up. (Grilling is OK once in a while. But to use it as your main method of cooking for a couple of weeks is VERY annoying. I haven't grilled a damn thing since.) We also put in a bunch of folding yard chairs, the hammock and the grill. So now I can walk in the workshop, I'll finish re-organizing it next week off.

I got to thinking about honey-dos. Since I had spent the better part of four days on this project, could we say that I'd honey-did? Someone else suggested I'd honey-dood. Or honey-dude?

One thing about honey-dos. They multiply like bacteria. And if you don't honey-do on a regular basis, you can end up in honey-doo-doo. Just ask any married man.

Actually I didn't mind doing all of the above. Maybe there's something to my English/ Scot heritage, but as spring arrives my thoughts turn out of doors, and especially to the garden.

Unlike some commentators, I live on a small (OK, tiny) farm. I normally grow a veggie garden every year. I may be death incarnate to house plants, but my garden usually does pretty well.

Instead of reading pamphlets on the political benefit of such and such, I download literature from my extension service. I actually grow things and eat what I grow.

So my ideas on the environment are a bit more realistic than most.

A couple of environmental stories caught my eye recently.

First, there's a company in Australia that will sell you carbon off-sets, for $6 US to make up for the damage to the environment caused by your pet cat's flatulence.

I'm not, and never could make up anything this ridiculous.

Yes, the environmental movement has reached the point where your kitty's farts will be the doom of us all. But that's OK, just send in $6 and all will be forgiven by carbon off-sets.

In other words, you send them money, that they will supposedly "invest" in "green" technology, and then it's OK for Fluffy to break wind.

Who gets the money, and how they spend it are not terribly clear. But you're off the hook, you're forgiven.

I know we shouldn't mix religion and politics, especially being an agnostic. I get shot at from all sides. But doesn't this sound an awful lot like the indulgences that the Catholic church sold to build the Vatican?

Catholicism used to be the only Christian game around. But the rampant corruption and hypocrisy of the indulgences led to a monk named Matin Luther. He saw the lies for what they were, and nailed a list of theses to the church door. Unfortunately for the Church, he did this just when a communication revolution was happening. Little guy named Gutenberg with a device called a printing press. Before long, Luther's ideas were spread through all Christendom. Ever hear of Lutherans? Or protestants? The Catholic Church has never been the same for the last 500 years.

Saying "it's OK to sin (pollute) as long as we get paid" is the lowest form of callous hypocrisy. It shows that the leaders of the environmental movement actually care nothing for the environment. It's just a dodge to them, a shell game to get their hands on money.

Maybe that's why Mr. Gore feels safe running up a monthly energy bill 25 times larger than mine and flitting about in jets while saying I have to turn my thermostat up and give up my pickup. I know the "global warming" crowd will never believe this, but hell will freeze solid before I'm without a pickup.

And If you mix lies to cover greed with unrestricted communication, you risk losing big time. With blogoshpere and Myspace, the environmentalists risk losing almost every shred of credibility by screaming "the sky is falling" and selling carbon "forgiveness".

Their only choices are to back off the warming hysteria and get back to sound science, or restrict communication to protect their con game. Many countries are trying to restrict the internet, and our own Congress is attempting to silence talk radio for having an alternative viewpoint.

And as long as we are near Mr. Gore, that brings me to the second story. Apparently PETA thinks he's not a "true" environmentalist since he doesn't advocate a vegan lifestyle. (wow, vegan isn't even in my spellcheck!) They say that farm animals pollute more than all the internal combustion engines in the world or suchlike.

I guess these people just don't think before they open their mouths.

Animal products provide not only employment but a substantial portion of the nutrition for the developing world. To do away with them would require one of two things. For lesser developed nations agriculture to meet bare minimums for nutrition without animal products, they'd have to get much much more productive. And since they wouldn't have any manure based fertilizers, they would have to use massive amounts of artificial fertilizers and pesticides. Holy Dow and Monsanto, Batman! Big business would make money, we can't have that, they're capitalists and evil.

They'd also have to mechanize their agriculture much more. Holy Big Oil, Batman! Holy Big Agriculture, Batman!

How adding so much more artificial chemicals and exhaust would be good for the environment escapes me.

There is one other alternative. They can starve and die.

If we go with the first choice, the animal rights people will have to battle the environmental people. All I ask is that they wait while I have my people burn some fossil fuels to provide the electricity to nuke some popcorn and fix an ice cold Coke before they start.

In thinking about environmentalists Vs. big business, I come to realize something. Politically correct environmentalism IS big business. I'm sure that industry makes a hell of a lot more than many. But unlike most big businesses, PC environmentalism produces nothing. Like the lilies of the field neither do they spin nor do they toil. All they have is scare tactics.

Sounds a lot like extremist islamic terrorists, doesn't it. They're just better at it. They use political blackmail instead of murder.

My we've come a long way, Cat farts to big business to terrorism. And we started at....... Oh, thats right. The shed and the garden.

Before the yelling at me begins, I do like a clean environment. And I practice what I preach. I've done organic, vertical gardening, square foot gardening, raised beds, double digging, natural amendments, no pesticides except once when the bugs were about to destroy the entire crop, companion planting, no treated lumber, composting. Every year I pick a couple of new things to experiment with. Some work, some don't.

If you don't know what some of the above terms mean, maybe you aren't the environmentalist you think you are. And just maybe you should leave the overpriced coffee shop where you're reading about environmental issues on the internet, and actually get out IN the environment.

Well that's about enough for tonight. The veggie garden won't be as big this year. With a new practice, the job, and some honey-do priorities, there won't be enough time. The wife wants me to redo the flower beds near the house, and repaint inside.

If you know of some butterfly friendly perennials that bloom a lot with little work, please let me know.

until later,



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