The Naked Emperor

16 November 2004

Why we Fight/For the Boys

It has come to my attention this morning that these rants are now being read in Kuwait by servicemen. My initial reaction was to write something profound about why they are there, something to inspire our brave boys in uniform.

During the late unpleasantness with Germany, Japan, and Italy, the great filmmaker Frank Capra made a series of films for our troops called "Why We Fight". They were deeply moving films, if a bit of propoganda. But alas, I'm no Capra. And I'm not politically correct, never have been, and won't start now.

I also recalled a wonderful scene from a film called "Rough Riders" made a few years ago. In the scene, a soldier played by Chris Noth is lying next to another soldier, an Indian, while the spaniards have the Rough Riders pinned at the base of Kettle Hill. As enemy fire chews up the ground in front of their faces, the Indian asks Noth's character what he's thinking about. Noth goes into this bit about his father and advice he was given before he shipped out. At the end of the speech, he asks the Indian what he's thinking about. The Indian replied, simply and directly, "Naked women."

Now that's more like it! I can understand that. Concepts such as mom, apple pie, and Ford Mustangs become a bit dim when surrounded by heat, sand, and lunatics whose only desire is to kill Americans. And ideas like patriotism, and flag grow even more distant. But naked women, any American male can wrap his mind around that.

My personal favorite are breasts. (if there is reincarnation, I want to come back as a 36dd bra) Big, round, jiggly, don't care if they're fake or real, squeezable, kissable American breasts. Scantily bikini covered, love 'em when they're cold American breasts. That if why you fight.

On 9/11 many pairs of wonderful breasts were killed. Your opponents seek to kill all the American breasts they can, and cover the rest with burkas. That is unacceptable.

Fortunately, our nation, besides having the best breasts in the world, also has young men with the courage to leave the breasts they love and fight to defend all American breasts.

Jeff Foxworthy has got us guys pegged. He says that when you ask a male, age 14 to 80+, what he's thinking, the real answer is "I'd like a beer and to see something naked". Unfortunately, arabia has no alcohol, and no naked breasts. So do your duty, and come home to your just rewards.

To those of you who have a personal connection to me, especially Kim's Steve, when you get home, if you come down here, I'll personally take you to find naked breasts and buy the beer.

Good luck, good hunting, come home soon, and......


the naked emperor