The Naked Emperor

11 June 2008

The Truth About Dogs...And Cats

Well, I've been a bit too serious lately.

Last night, I couldn't sleep (no, NOT the knee, just insomnia), so I did a long overdue update to the site. OK, I was bored silly.

NOW - Updated Links!! NOW - 20% more Strangeness with 40% less drivel!! NOW - This Site is Guaranteed Zero cholesterol and Trans-Fat Free!! But Still the Same Great Taste!!

I do recommend the music links especially, we've go some great local talent.

As a Vet, I've noticed some strange things about our pets.

When we are younger, pets not only watch when their humans have "intimate relations", but actually hover like East German judges at the Olympics, waiting to mark you down.

As we age, this stops. They actually look disgusted and leave the room. This is your sign to throw out Bikinis and Speedos.

No matter how lightweight and dainty your pet, they can exert roughly the same ground pressure on each paw as a small mansion. This weight will be placed upon breasts, genitalia, or any sore spot you may have as they step on, run across, or lay on these areas. And at the worst possible moment.

Only dogs and middle managers stick their nose up somebody else's butt to see who their friends are.

No matter how expensive or gourmet the treat or food, three day old trash, roadkill, and cat shit will ALWAYS taste better to them.

The more recently they've had the above trash, roadkill, or cat shit, the more they want to lick your face.

Your cat will never love you in the afternoon when their beloved Mr. Sun is available.

Your dog loves you, it's an adoration relationship. With cats, it's more of a friendship based on common interest. Because you both love the cat.

I guess blogging about politicians makes me appreciate higher forms of life.

The Naked Emperor


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